http://boatsofpaper.livejournal.com/ Floating in a Puddle - LiveJournal.com Sun, 14 Aug 2005 02:46:46 GMT LiveJournal / LiveJournal.com boatsofpaper 8002004 personal http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/33441342/8002004 http://boatsofpaper.livejournal.com/ 100 100 http://boatsofpaper.livejournal.com/636.html Sun, 14 Aug 2005 02:46:46 GMT http://boatsofpaper.livejournal.com/636.html Sometimes it makes her so damn angry.<br /><br />How can everyone she talks to know what is better for her than she does?<br /><br />How can the queen of the castle sit there, the matriarch of the family, sneer at her and lecture her about her youth and her decisions?<br /><br />She isnt stupid, she didnt just <i>decide</i> one day to stop teaching. She didnt ignore the fact that she has no benefits, no medical insurance.<br /><br />She didnt tell her husband to quit his job.<br /><br />So how DARE that woman sit there and tell her what to do to better her life?<br /><br />She is just young, the woman says. She only taught for a year (not true! not true!), she should still be working and if she isnt working, she should be cooking for him, as he OBVIOUSLY works harder than she. After all, HE is in school..and she must be sitting around painting her nails and watching television.<br /><br />She has to leave the room to keep from crying.<br /><br />When she returns, it doesnt get better.<br /><br />"Dont worry!" The woman says, "You arent too old to have kids!"<br /><br />Not that they have discussed their family plans with the woman, or that she has any worries about being too old or late. Not like she sits at home at 26, bemoaning her childless state.<br /><br />Not that she would tell the woman shit about it, at this point.<br /><br />And then, the final insult. <br /><br />The woman sits there, gives her a smug look, and informs her that THIS is why she cannot ever leave Colorado. THIS is why its better for everyone that she stays, not that anyone cares about her, just that HE belongs in Colorado, and they expect her to be tied to him, and after all, his family is in Colorado. It doesnt matter that hers is in Georgia. It doesnt matter that they, together, have discussed where to live, and have decided that they will not be in Colorado for more than a few years.<br /><br />The woman is smug as they discuss this.<br /><br />The girl makes it out to the car, still smiling, but her smile is crooked.<br /><br />And then she cant stop herself from crying. http://boatsofpaper.livejournal.com/636.html public 4 http://boatsofpaper.livejournal.com/472.html Sat, 13 Aug 2005 01:33:20 GMT http://boatsofpaper.livejournal.com/472.html People dont seem to understand when she speaks.<br /><br />Her mouth moves, sounds emerge, but the faces surrounding her remain blank.<br /><br />Or their eyes skitter past her, desperately seeking salvation in passing strangers.<br /><br />She doesnt understand.<br /><br />She stands on the corner in her bare feet and tries to tell them about the world around them.<br /><br />No one wants to listen.<br /><br />She wonders if they speak a different language. http://boatsofpaper.livejournal.com/472.html public 0